I’m having a hard time missing Debbie. I feel like so much was left undone… things I wanted to say, experiences I wanted to have with her… I just assumed I would have all the time in the world. I have gifts for her family sitting on my kitchen table. Why can’t I find the motivation to mail them? Her partner, Jan, has made her way to California with Debbie’s ashes and has been updating Facebook with her journey. I find myself hungry for these posts and photos. Thank you, Jan. There is going to be a celebration of her life on May 7th in California… I so wish I could be there. It’s isolating mourning someone alone.

In honor of Debbie and because of her very fast diagnosis and death, I’m making some big changes in my life. I’ve stepped back from my online responsibilities, resigning from two personal digiscrapping creative teams and from siggy-making. Those were hard decisions. I’ve made over 2000 siggies since November 2007 and I have a huge passion for it, plus I’ve made some incredible friendships with my regular requesters (I hope they know that I’ll always be here to make them siggies if they want them). And saying goodbye to Becca and Anna were tough too, I admire both of them as artists so much. I’m staying on as an admin with Crumbsnatchers and as an Art Crew member with 9th & Bloom and will continue Digital Star Design on a limited basis. But just reducing this amount of work has freed me up to play with my kids more and be really present in my day-to-day life.

So what am I ready for?

I’m ready to pursue photography in a more serious fashion. I’m in the process of making Holly Anissa Photography a real, legal business. I’ve been waffling for months on what I wanted to do… keep photography a hobby or go into business. I’m not sure yet what niche or genre of photography in which I want to specialize… I think as I build my portfolio, I will try different types of photography and see what excites me and what doesn’t. It will be on a part-time until the fall so that I can be with my children this summer. But I’m ready.

Deep breath.

I’m ready!

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  • Jeannette Carter - I totally understand. I feel the same way about Linda Whiting. It has been 4 years since she died and I still have strong flashes of missing her. When I got my new cell phone I moved her phone number over to it.. Just so that I remember her when I least expect it..

    Grieving is hard but rejoicing in fun memories is not. Last week I started to send your mom a text just saying ‘tubs in blankets’.. a Linda memory that always makes me laugh.

    So take your ‘tubs in blankets’ moments with Debbie’s memories and drill them into your head while they are still fresh to you. That way, ten years from now the memories will be as fresh as they are today.

    Love you. B.ReplyCancel

  • hope - hugs!!!

    and on teh photography front…you are sooooo ready. all the best.ReplyCancel

  • Holly - Thank you, Beanie. I’m taking your advice to heart.
    Thanks, Hope! I’m still not sure, but I really appreciate the vote of confidence!ReplyCancel

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