I was typing up a getting-to-know-you questionnaire for CrumbSnatchers since we have some new designers and one of the questions was “Are you a half-full or half-empty kind of person?” You know, I used to be a half-full person. I took pride in being happy and optimistic and tackling adversity head on. I did wear rosy glasses and I liked them! In fact, I rocked them! Do you know how I answered that question today?
“It used to be half full but then life drank it and now it’s half empty.”
How sad is that!?!
What happened to me? There are days when I just plumb don’t like myself. Like today, sigh.
I couldn’t sleep last night. I tried. My mind was awake and going into those twisty, dark places. Tick Tick Tick Tick. Toss, turn, my mind would just.not.stop.
When I woke up this morning, I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. A 8+ pain day on the Holly Fibro Scale. Which subsequently led me to be a grumpy, ugly person all day. Honestly, I hate to wallow in self-pity, I HATE it but some days, I just want to scream. Enough! These kids are so hard, my marriage is so hard, my pain and my own health issues are so hard. I’m tired, I just want to lay my head down and sob for a while.
But I can’t. And I won’t. And it wouldn’t be in character either. I don’t cry. I really don’t. I’m strong.
I know once I get some sleep I’ll be much better. It’s amazing how much this makes such a difference. Anna needs me to be a half-full kind of mommy. Well, really, my whole family does. So I drag myself through this one bad day knowing tomorrow will be better.
It will, right?